Humor is powerful medicine. In observance of April Fool’s Day this Sunday, I am focusing on the lighthearted side of medicine. The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. These are from a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D. for the Journal of Court Reporting and have been reprinted on several web sites and magazines.
- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
- The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
- She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
- The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- The patient has no past history of suicides.
- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
- Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
- Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Note: Stay healthy so you don’t end up in the hands of a physician who writes these types of medical notes.