I was reflecting on my recent blog, and a critical voice kicked in saying, “Who wants to hear how good your life is? Happy people don’t read blogs, Besides, we read blogs to get something.” I couldn’t find a single benefit to be gained from that particular post.
Was my inner critic right? Perhaps, perhaps not.
The perhaps part harkens back to remembering when I was miserable. Twenty years of severe clinical depression and associated mental illness was an ordeal beyond anything I’ve ever endured. Living with hepatitis C for the twenty years following were also hard. I dealt with painful stuff for most of my life, and I survived because of the hope I borrowed from others. A blog about someone’s joy would not have helped me when I was in my darkest hours. Misery does like company.
However, perhaps it’s good to write something joyful from time to time. What good is the insight from misery if I don’t also have happiness? It’s like a stained-glass window. Sometimes the picture in the glass looks brilliant, sometimes dull. The glass remains the same; it’s just the outlook that has changed.
Recently I learned a new word–emaho. It’s a Buddhist word meaning the exclamation of wonder and amazement. Emaho describes my life right now, especially sweet because of the pain that I’ve endured.
I don’t know if my inner critic was correct or not, but I certainly can’t begrudge myself a bit of joy. So, I let the words stand. If nothing else, they illustrate the impermanent nature of things.